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“I’m all lost in the supermarket,
I can no longer shop happily,
I came in here for that special offer,
A guaranteed personality…”

The Clash
Lost In The Supermarket

Hell has indeed frozen over.

Lebron James returned to Cleveland, Tommy Ramone died…and I found myself standing in a “Whole Foods” outlet.

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Yes, my friends, hell has frozen over.

Whole Foods is this place where you go when you want to pay expensive prices for food that tastes rather bland. That’s not a knock on the store. I think the tragedy at play here is that I was actually in it without really needing to be.

Given a choice between a Big Mac and some Arthur Treacher’s fried fish and chips (with hushpuppies), I would enthusiastically take them both and think it absolutely normal to do so.

Let’s face it. I was in there under duress, OK? There. I said it. Someone made me go there with them.

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Here’s the thing I want to underscore here. What you have in there are millennial hippies. They work there. They are patrons of the place. Some of the guys that work there have that Amish beard thing goin’ on. They wear the color tan. Do you know what I’m talking about? Sometimes they wear polo shirts with striped colors,….but the strange thing about that? The colors of the stripes seem amazingly dull. They have pierced ears and semi long hair. They no doubt ride their vintage Schwinn’s to work when the weather is conducive to it.

My question is simply this:

Is this what the millennial hippies of 2014 aspire to in their walk of life? To sell and buy over-priced bland food?

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If it is, that’s not necessarily a bad goal to to have. I am totally down if they are happy at their vocation. I really am. Not too many people find the work that they want to do these days. (If they can find work at all)

The thing is, they looked happy. Probably more happy than I look at my job. So, in essence, I was a bit jealous of them.

That’s alright. I don’t eat healthy as a habit. Being a Teamster, eating healthy is somewhat akin to a cat taking a bath. I would rather die than do it and you will get the same ear-splitting histrionics out of me as you would a cat with an impending water bath. Ugliness afoot all around.

It was just a dashed odd observation, that’s all.

They had everything there however. I’ll give them that. They even had,…what is it?….organic beer there?

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It was then that I felt as if I was in a museum. I looked in awe, studied it and knew it was well out of my price range,…so I better not touch it. But it sure was interesting to look at,….knowing I could never have it….by choice and by pocketbook.

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It was an odd day, to say the least.

Right before we went in there, we had just dined at a place that served us something called a “crab-stack” and “Creme cilantro chicken with red-skinned potatoes with roasted corn and cheese”.

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There’s the old adage: “Don’t go shopping hungry. You spend less if you eat first.”

This is the one exception to the rule. Even if I was hungry, I wouldn’t have bought anything in the place.

My other half, however,….did.

With extreme predjudice.

Anyway,…

So on we go,…
His welfare is of my concern.
No burden is he to bear,
We’ll get there.

For I know,
He would not encumber me.
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother….”


The Hollies
He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother

Rep. Steve Stockman (R-Texas) announced on Thursday that he has filed a resolution directing the House sergeant-at-arms to “arrest Lois Lerner for contempt of Congress” over the IRS targeting scandal.

Stockman said in a statement that asking the U.S. Department of Justice to prosecute Lerner for “admittedly illegal activity” is a “joke.” Instead, the Republican said it is up to the U.S. House to “uphold the rule of law and hold accountable those who illegally targeted American citizens for simply having different ideas than the President.”

Under the proposed resolution, Lerner would be held in a Washington, D.C., jail and would be given access to an attorney and all her constitutional rights.

All her Constitutional rights. She has access to all her Constitutional rights. How patently ironic it is, isn’t it? The same document that she wants to destroy is the one that she needs to hide behind. I would love to be a fly on that wall when they come to take her. (Which they probably never will, of course. To arrest means to charge. To charge means to pardon and that’s what she will undoubtedly get from the Obama administration.)

But!….on the flip side of that? I would love to see her in handcuffs and sitting in the back of a police car just once! That would be the ultimate photo-op for the up coming mid-term TV commercials.

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about here. I really wanted to talk about Lois in a more serious and refined manner. The fact of the matter is that Lois has more pressing problems than simply being arrested by Congress for targeting the tea-party. This revelation delves into absolute madness, my friends.

The thing I want to talk about is the Lerner doppleganger factor. This can potentially have a damaging effect on her future career choices if it ever comes to light….if she ever sees the light of day again and in the highly improbable chance that she may ever have a career again.

I am speaking, of course, about the Golem factor.

The year? 1920! The country? Germany! The star? Paul Wegener! The Movie? The GOLEM!!!

(I have to point out that the comparisons are not for the faint of heart.)

It can also be said that the Golem was actually a good guy….unlike Lerner who,…umm,….how shall I say this?

“ISN’T”

Be that as it may, let’s just take a look at this incredible doppelganger freak of nature, shall we?

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Lois Lerner (left) The Golem (right)

The hairstyle is almost exactly the same, isn’t it, kids? Freaky, to say the least. The golem looks a little more approachable however.

Moving on….

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The Golem,…I mean Lois Lerner (left) The Golem (right)

They both carry purses in their left hands. That means they both must be left handed! Dopplegangers who have the same primary hand! What are the odds of that?!!…and they wear the same jacket!!!

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Lois Lerner (left) The Golem (right)

They both have a look of defiance on their face here. Lois’s defiance is at Congress,…like a petulant spoiled child….The Golem’s look says, “You want to get it on, you stupid democrats? I’ll smack the taste outta your mouth. Bring it on you punks!”

Geez. You can hardly tell the two apart. They’re brothers from different mothers.

Anyway,….

“So take the photographs, and still-frames in your mind.
Hang it on the shelf of good health and good time.
Tattoo’s of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.
It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right,
I hope you had the time of your life….”


Green Day
Good Riddance (The Time Of Your Life)

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Know what I miss?

Motorcycle cops. They just don’t exist anymore, do they? They’d pull up next to you at a stoplight and then they would look to the right or left and then give you one of those silent, almost imperceptible nods as if to say, “Hey. What’s goin’ on, man?”…..from behind mirrored sunglasses and from behind a mustache. I miss that.

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Now, our police are militarized. They drive tanks and Humvees. They need them to carry stun guns and AR-15s and that kinda shit…..They’re not as personable when they drive those. They still look to the right and to the left,…it’s just that,…umm,…you don’t.

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Know what I miss?

Carburetors. That finely designed and fragile fuel-injection artifact that could take all sorts of heavy-duty abuse. Nothing could be better on a frigid winter morning than to walk out of your house with a freakin’ can of ether in one hand and a freakin’ “Goody” comb in the other. You pop the hood to your Chevelle, take off the BIG, ROUND AIR CLEANER, pop that rocker back and spray that ether into your carb. You stick the ass end of the “Goody” comb in to hold the rocker in place, jump into your car and fire it up, replace the air filter and you’re on your way, baby. (This action, btw, would take 15 seconds.)

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Now, we have the E-checks. There’s a computer in your car that you are REGULATED to have checked (at certain intervals) to see if there is any hi-jinks going on in the car when the EPA isn’t looking. This organization’s sole purpose is to be a watch dog over your automobile. If they detect ether, you don’t get your stickers, Mister!! And you will pay a mechanic dearly as penance.

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Know what I miss? T.V’s (Television’s)”The Flying Nun”. Sally Field was so great as that tiny troublemaking nun that could fly when she lifted up her little nun,…habit,…hat…thing. I miss that. She would be shooting marbles with dirty little orphans and, at a moment’s notice, she would be flying through mountains to get to the scene of some untowardly actions so she can single-handedly take down a Peruvian drug lord. I miss that. I miss “The Flying Nun”.

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Now we have The Little Kardashian Sisters Of The Poor doing sex on the internet with Vegas taking odds on how long one or two of the marriages would last along with battles in court to keep “The Flying Nun” off the air in re-runs because the atheists are supposedly “offended” by her presence on THEIR air waves.

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Know what I miss?

The Clash. The only band that mattered and who sweated onstage to make a living and a change. These guys played Bonds in NYC for two weeks straight because the promotor “oversold” all of the shows. They wanted to honor every last ticket sold so they stayed until every last fan was played to. (1982)

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Now we have Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus “who just don’t like going to work”,….as said so very appropriately by Sir Paul McCartney. They were chastised by him! Chastised, I say! Chastised by Sir Paul himself!!

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Know what I miss?

I miss the days when you could actually buy vinyl. The art work on the album cover was always second to none. Hell, I miss the days when you could actually buy a cassette tape. Hell, I even miss the days when you could buy a CD!

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Now we have downloadable music that can’t be burned to a CD and can only be listened to on certain “devices” that you have to prove you own before you can do it.

Know what I miss?

Everything.

Anyway,…

“No kiddin’,
I’m ready to fight,
I’ve been lookin’ for my baby all night,
If I get her in my sight,
Boom boom! ONE MORE! Out go the lights!….”

Pat Travers
Boom, Boom, Out Go The Lights

In my line of work, there’s a certain din that must transpire to make the world seem right as rain. It’s not annoying. It’s a din. The simple monotone hum that is all around me when I’m at work. It’s a comforting din. It’s a familiar din. It’s my din.

I know the din of my own machines. The machinery burps and hums. It drones and moans. It rumbles and prattles and tumbles and rattles. I know each sound and what it means when. I know each sound and when they go silent, I start them again!,….(said Sam, I am….I do like green eggs and ham!)

That said, there is nothing worse than when the din goes silent due to a power outage.

Blast!

Anyway…

“So I walk up on high,
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself,…”


Collective Soul
The World I Know

What does it mean when I wake up and have visual flashes that I am falling off a sky-scraper or out of a plane? It’s like vertigo, and I always wake up that way now. Any idea?

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Anyway,….

“Wake me up. before you go-go,
I’m not planning on goin’ solo.
Wake me up, before you go-go,
I don’t wanna miss it when you hit that high,…


Wham!
Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go)

Here are the top ten things I learned this week:

10. Who’s book is selling better? Hillary Clinton’s “Hard Choices” or Ed Klein’s, “Blood Feud”? This simple picture pretty much says it all.

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9. When running into people you haven’t seen for a while, it’s best not to stink of onions. You get back a wrinkled nose after they hug you.

8.Back brakes are for suckers….

7. Fish and Chips can be re-heated well.

6. Dinesh D’Souza’s “America: Where Would The World Be Without Her” is a fantastic movie. Well worth the watch. (side note: If you daydream during the movie, you miss out. Be on guard.)

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5.Wham’s! “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” is a song that 100% of the people love, all the time. They may deny it, they may turn it down at stoplights,….but EVERYONE loves that song. Even Tupac!

4. Jay was more talented than Silent Bob. He should have earned and Academy Award for his work in “Mallrats”.

3.Five Guys Burgers are only good when you get the “little cheeseburger”. Anything else is too much meat.

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2. It’s a tough call to turn on the air conditioning when it’s 81 degrees out. You go through some changes when trying to decide that.

1. In case you didn’t know, Kenny Rodgers sang the lead in “I just dropped in (to see what my condition was in)”

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Anyway,….

“Turned away from it all like a blind man,
Sat on a fence but it don’t work,
Keep coming up with love but it’s so slashed and torn,
Why, why, why?….”


Queen
Under Pressure

I said it here first. I knew this was going to happen. It was in my “Be Your Way” post found here:

https://scabiesoftherat.wordpress.com/2014/05/23/be-your-way/

I am not going to belabor the semantics of this issue. I just want to point out how abjectly stupid and mind-numbing this all is. We now have a burger joint appealing to us through our sexual habits. It’s like a kitchen appliance company appealing to us through our driving habits. It makes zero sense at all. Maybe we could have a chair company appeal to us through our toe-clipping habits.

If the burger company had some vague connection with the sexual preferences of people, I would say “great”. Knock yourselves out. By all means.

But they don’t, do they? A fast food hamburger place has nothing to do with the intimacy of two people. If said burger place was renown as a place where particular lovers like to congregate to sit and cuddle, I would even buy that. But it’s not, is it? Not by a long shot.

Fast Food is called fast food for a reason. It was meant to be a relief to the working class who have no time during a half hour lunch break. You drive down and get your burger fast, eat it fast and get back to work fast. That’s how they advertised it way back when. It was more appealing to the duress of the common man…..not the duress of the common man’s junk, as it were.

This is not cuisine and an establishment that one would even take their lover to,…I mean, if they knew what was good for them.

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They have rather sterile lighting, a soft drink dispenser, hard seats, crappy napkins, loud kids, grease fires on occasion. That whole picture has nothing to do with people’s sexual preferences. Not by a long shot, my friend. Not by a long shot.

And don’t think I’m mad about it either. I just can’t wrap my head around it, that’s all.

Cripes.

Stupid lefty agendas.

Anyway…..

Read More »

“It was 1989, my thoughts were short my hair was long,
Caught somewhere between a boy and man,
She was seventeen and she was far from in-between,
It was summertime in Northern Michigan,….”

Kid Rock
All Summer Long

Here are the top ten things I learned this week:

10. Honda cars have this stereo anti-theft device. You would think it would be an audible alarm….No. Not even close. What it is, is a device that, if you unhook your battery for any reason, it makes you enter a code into your stereo. If you don’t, it won’t work….so you have to take it to the dealer because you never knew you had the damn thing to begin with. So stupid. What a nazi state we live in. Cripes, almighty.

9. The day you complain about someone being late is exactly the day prior to you being late,…because you locked your keys in the same Honda that has the stupid anti-theft device. It never fails.

8. When driving downtown, given the choice between the lady on Google Maps or an ex-skateboarder, always go with the skateboarder. They know where everything is and even more places if you’re willing to try it on a dare. (Nevermind the fact that were were driving a soccer mom van at the time….)

7. Big Macs still far surpass a Bob’s Big Boy sandwich. I believe it’s because of the sauce. The Big Mac does have a pretty kick-ass, tart sauce.

6. When I am privy to patronize a grand branch of the Waffle House egg eatery, I always get the same thing. Loaded hash browns “all the way” (ham, bacon, jalapenos, cheese, tomato, mushrooms and chili with three over-medium eggs on top)….with a cup of coffee and an orange juice….with rye toast,….and mixed fruit jam. Now, it’s my understanding that they actually sell waffles there. I, however, have yet to see an actual waffle in a Waffle House. Must be as elusive as Bigfoot or something. I always love the juke box Waffle House. I Rick-Roll all the customers when I go in there. That’s probably why Kid Rock keeps getting arrested in The Waffle House.
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5. Ice cream without carmel is not ice cream. It is ice cream that is “less than”.

4. Who is Bowe Berghdal and why is he taking us away from the Benghazi scandal? Inquiring minds want to know! (Stay the course, Trey,…..stay the course.)

3.It really is damn depressing with no music in the Honda. Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels. Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields. In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up one-o-one
I don’t know where I’m running now, I’m just running on……

2. I watched an hour of Classic MTV on youtube the other day. Martha Quinn was the host. It was from 1983. After it was over, I sat up and scratched my head. and rubbed my eyes. Holy shit, it was 2014 again! To a forty something like me, it was like a time machine. Then I did an image search on Martha Quinn. Holy shit!,…She’s older than me….and a lot richer than me too!….and a lot older than me too! Holy crap, man!! She’s a lot older than me! Holy shit!

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1. Sometimes the most precious moments happen in a simple embrace and a camera captures it all. That’s the only thing I love about cell phones. I hate everything else about them except that the camera is always there. What else can I say?

Anyway,…. Read More »

“Paranoia Strikes Deep,
Into your life it will creep,
It starts when you’re always afraid,
Step out of line, the man come and take you away,…”


Buffalo Springfield
For What It’s Worth

Back in 2010, I made a rather firm statement to my mother about things of a seemingly paranoid nature. So much so, she later told me, that she quietly had to come to the heartbreaking conclusion that “there was something really, really wrong inside of the head of her son.” The catalyst that brought my “so-called paranoia” stemmed from two things.

A) I had watched a movie on PBS called “The Spy Factory” a few years prior to our conversation. I have never forgotten it. “The Spy Factory” movie parroted what Snowden said they did. In other words, they were admitting, pre-Snowden, mind you, that all the things Snowden said was going on, were, indeed, going on. Follow?

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2) I had just made a movie myself whose character drew from the information garnered from that movie. The information was garnered, yes, but it was also ingrained in me. That reflected in my writing of the Indie production. The character was to be a paranoid loner akin to Deniro in Taxi Driver. But the paranoia was actually based upon the Spy Factory Movie. I just updated it a bit. This was made before we knew Snowden’s name.

That said, when Edward Snowden jumped ship and took the Sherlock Holmes night train to Moscow, things began to take on a seriously paled hue, reality-wise that is. Once the admissions started coming to light, my mother watched the news with rapt intent and attention and very quickly came to the startling conclusion that her son was alright because he was right all along. I knew I was right because I watched the “Spy Factory” movie on PBS and she didn’t.

(“Sheesh, Ma,….you just don’t listen to me anymore!”)

This is why I don’t have a Facebook. When Zuckerberg meets with Obama, repeatedly, that can’t be a good thing for us peons. Granted, it’s always under the guise of complaining about privacy issues, but they meet nonetheless. The outward speeches do not reflect the ones carried out behind closed doors….when those two are in the same zip code.

Paranoia? Maybe,….I dunno.

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I don’t do Twitter, Facebook, FaceSpace, Instagram, LinkedIn,….or any of those other thingys that are out there. Just too much information. I stick to the ol’ blog-er-oony. You know what you put out is safe here, right? No-one ever reads blogs.

I can say anything I want on here. I can talk about how my underwear is too tight in the crack of my ass and I have to pick it out on hot summer days. I can talk about how I have to clean my fingernails with toothpicks and how I pick my feet in Poughkeepsie.

The fact of the matter, WordPress is safe from all of that intrusive spying. I know that. You know that.

So,…since no-one is reading this,…especially the NSA,….I can say with a great deal of confidence that “what’s said here, stays here.”

I think.

Anyway,….

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