“I’ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king,
I’ve been up and down and over and out and I know one thing,
Each time I find myself flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race,…”
Been making the will up the past few weeks. It’s done and I just have to go and sign the papers sometime this week.
I figure it’s about time. There’s just some things that have to be done before the last call arrives. It’s better to do it when you’re alive than to let the courts decide things after you’re dead. That’s an entanglement that doesn’t need to transpire. That’s a bad scene all around, ain’t it?
It’s not a pleasant business. That much is understood.
You get the will in order and then you get the power of attorney in order.
But while I was thinking along these lines, I couldn’t help but wonder about all the other things that I could potentially take care of before I pass.
I guess, in other words, what else can I do to help make things run more smoothly for my loved ones once I’m gone?
(My insurance and Roth IRA are in good hands.)
Seeing how I was recently at funerals for people who died younger than me, I saw first-hand what I could do that would make things go better and smoother, should I take the matter into my own hands right now.
One thing was so simple, yet it becomes an almost insurmountable task to complete before the actual death and the wake. There’s simply no time to do it justice when having to make it on the fly.
I’m speaking, of course, about the inevitable media that loved ones want created that’s to be played at the funeral.
We live in a media age. Everyone wants their loved ones to have a slide-show or film to be played at their funeral,…yet nobody ever takes the time to do this beforehand of course,…because the thought of preparing it prior to your death just becomes morose and gross.
I’ve noticed that every time I go into a funeral home, there’s always a dignified TV screen on the wall in the corner of the room. Attached to that is a hidden DVD player somewhere.
Why is this there?
Because everyone wants a slide-show nowadays, that’s why! Who prepares the slideshow? Usually someone on hand who was asked to make it just after the person just died, that’s who!
(That’s a 24 to 48-hour production from start to finish!)
In light of the will, I had to think about that one for a minute. Could I actually do that?….why not?
I’m the one with all my freakin’ pictures!! I’m the one who will take matters into my own hands and I will be the one to ensure that my images aren’t played to the Barry Manilow song, Can’t Smile Without You!
The thought of someone picking theme music for my final slideshow rankles me to the very core of my wishbone. I shudder to even think about it. How can one leave that to another person to take care of?
It’s impossible, I say!!
So,…in light of that, I started to work on that little piece for my exit.
I have to say, it really is quite soothing to work on, actually. I sift through pictures that make me smile and make me re-live happy times,…and then I veto pictures due to the fact that I simply don’t like the way my hair looks in them.
I am in complete control of this project….and I’m loving it.
When it’s complete, I will simply give it to my power of attorney encased in a taped up shoe-box….along with other written instructions.
If the funeral home has two identical dvd players that are in the same cabinet, (one player for one parlor, the other player for the parlor next to it) do not play media on that dvd player should there be another wake transpiring at the same time as mine. They will inevitably have media that they want to play and, due to the fact that the dvd players are identical, the two remotes will also control both units….therefore, when they go to play theirs, it will shut off ours,…and visa-versa.
Do not ask for assistance from the funeral director for understanding the dvd player. He knows funerals, not media players.
Should the above transpire,…
Play it on a lap-top with only these speakers permitted: Two battery-operated, hi-fi speakers on either side of the computer screen. (A sub-woofer is permitted should there be no other funerals taking place at the same time.) Do not play strictly through the computer speaker alone. We all know how painful that can be. This will simply irritate people who are already irritated at the fact that they have to be there as it is.
Do not serve rigatoni at the wake. Serve any other noodle than rigatoni. I’ve always hated rigatoni. It’s a bastard noodle. It’s designed for wakes. I don’t like wakes and I sure as hell don’t like rigatoni. Deep-six the rigatoni….out of respect to me,…the dead guy. I personally like spaghetti best. Especially since I saw the movies, “In The Line Of Fire” and “Kill The Irishman”.
…but you can choose your noodle,…other than rigatoni.
In the unlikely even that someone should start sobbing uncontrollably, get ‘em out of the freakin’ room! I didn’t sweat blood on that slideshow to have it be ruined by a freak side-show!
Flasks are OK within reason. I’m Irish.
It’s OK if my guitars are thrown into a pile on the floor. I always like that one Fleetwood Mac video in which they did that. You have my permission to toss them into a pile. It’s OK. Don’t worry about it…seriously,…go ahead. (Or maybe just set them gently into a pile. That may be the way to go….)
All eraserboard pics are permitted….except the ones about work. Don’t let Lin display the eraserboards about work.
Any references of my death by means of quotes from The Godfather are strongly encouraged. i.e.: “Dan now sleeps with the fishes”, “Try the veal, it’s the best in the city”, “Don Corleone, I come to you for justice”….