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Category Archives: chocolate

“Breathe,…breathe in the air,
Don’t be afraid to care,
Leave, but don’t leave me,
Look around, choose your own ground…”

Pink Floyd
Breathe

We have now gotten ourselves into a sticky situation. I’m speaking, of course, about the current and dangerous trend that we find with the present state of candy production. It seems that the faceless denizens of corporate America have decided that another check-mate should be incorporated against the sheeple.

Hershey Candy has just perpetuated one of the biggest conspiracies in the history of candy production. The aerated chocolate bar.

They say they invented it, in spite of the fact that aerated chocolate already accounts for $500 million in confectionary sales worldwide. That doesn’t matter when a conspiracy is afoot. It’s what you see at the moment. You believe it because the TV tells you it’s true.

Let’s be blunt and to the point. They are pumping free air into your candy and you are paying for less chocolate that is replaced by a somewhat chocolate flavored air bubble.

It’s the same with White Castle hamburgers. They give you a tiny hamburger and then,…hold the phone here,…poke holes into that tiny hamburger and call them “flavor holes”. These flavor holes are filled with the same air that they fill the Aerated Hershey bar with. And that air is free, people. You are paying for something that is free. The annual profits on free air could possibly reach upwards to the equivalent of 12% of our national defense fund.

We see more air in our food all the time. So much so that we become blind to it after a while. A half-gallon of ice cream is no longer a half-gallon. It’s smaller than a half-gallon, isn’t it? But you still pay the half-gallon price. Why is that?

When a small potato chip bag gets opened, it’s filled 1/4 the way with potato chips,…the other 3/4 the way with,…you guessed it! Air. Free air. Free Air that you are paying for, once again, with you hard earned farthings.

The last time I checked, air was free. It’s all around me until, say, someone crop-dusts me in a Best-Buy or a low-level liquor store and/or elevator.

To put this rare commodity (known as air) into your tires, you have to pay for that. You pay 75 cents for all the free air that you can aerate your tires with in your three minute allotted time. The problem with tires, of course, is that you don’t eat them but they need to be aerated nonetheless. It’s air and it’s channeled,…but it’s still air. It’s still air and air is free. You are now paying the owner of the property for that free air!

(It says so right on the sign: Air-75cents.)

Branching out into other directions of our God-given free air, there is another commodity that is worth mentioning here. Water. Water is free. Water is all around us. We need water to live. Water is another commodity that we now pay for.

Let’s hearken back to the aerated candy bar for a second. They put it in your candy and you pay for it and get less. The same with water. They put frozen water in your drink and you pay a tariff for that. They tell you it’s free,…while automatically charging you for it.

How, you say? By the real estate in your glass. You get less Sangria when they fill it with free ice (frozen water) than if there was no frozen water in the equation. Sans ice, you get blotto’d. With ice, you get a slight buzz. If you got the ice, you just got ripped off because a good Sangria should really level you out. It’s their contention that it is desirable for your glass to sweat with coolness.

This is the propaganda that is put forth. Wine with lime and orange tastes exactly the same after two sips whether it be iced (frozen watered) or not.

People, we need to be proactive on this dumbing down situation that we currently find ourselves in. We need to stand up and take control of our free, God-given elements that we need to survive. The Reichstag burned in a day. The government leaders are doing this to us subtly. We now pay for air and water in consumables.

This tyranny will not stand!

Anyway…

“A bottle of red, a bottle of white,
Whatever kind of mood you’re in tonight,
I’ll meet you anytime you want,
In our Italian Restaurant….”


Billy Joel
Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

The Godfather

It’s gotta be one of the greatest movies of all time. The reason isn’t because of the family or even the story. The reason is simply because of the food.

Let me explain.

There were two things the Corleone family knew how to do really well. One was to whack people and the other was to eat. There was just something sublime about the meals they sat down in front of,…which was sometimes followed by someone getting a bullet through his forehead.

Be that as it may, there is a subtle nuance between the characters and the food portrayed in that cinematic masterpiece. It’s almost as if there’s sub-liminal messaging going on throughout. Kinda like the old commercials where they would stick the McDonald’s arches into a frame for an igna-second.

(I think the Department of Homeland Security might have clamped down on that, though….you know,…so as to get their own messages in there or somethin’….)

I don’t know about anyone else, but I always get famished while watching that movie. It seemed that they were eating throughout the whole two and a half hours. Plus, the stuff they ate was second to none.

Spaghetti never looked so good than when it was being passed across the table by Abe Vigoda. Abe just had that way of making spaghetti look real good, didn’t he?

It’s just noodles and sauce, but you add that standard motel water glass of wine with it, it takes on a whole new dimension, doesn’t it? A whole new culinary world opens up at that point.

(A small, motel water glass seemed to be the main vehicle for wine in that flick. Don’t ask me why. I would think that a proper wine glass would be the way to go,…but, then, I’m not Italian either. Maybe that’s the way they drink it in Italy or something. I should really investigate that….)

I’m not a big fan of Cannoli. I just get that sweet-tooth immediately when Clemenza says, “Leave the gun, take the Cannoli”. I’m not so sure the appeal of it is because Paulie’s brains were all over the windshield at that point. I think it could be because of that great overcoat that Clemenza was wearing. Something changes when a nice fedora and an overcoat are introduced with Cannoli. It was probably cashmere. Cashmere and that little box tied with string just really went well together.

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It’s vexing, to say the least.

And then there’s the veal. Michael is about to whack Sollazzo and McCluskey when McCluskey turns to him and says,

“Try the veal. It’s the best in the city.”

I always really, really feel like a piece of veal at that point.

I think that might be because of the sterile white tablecloth that adorns the table. That plus the bottle of wine that the waiter takes way too long to open. That might be why I get instantly hungry for veal. Or maybe it was the absolute desolation in that restaurant or something. I don’t know.

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I don’t normally have a hankerin’ for veal when I watch “Goodfellas”. I don’t normally have a hankerin’ for veal at any other time in my life,….except when I watch that scene.

And it always happens, man. Always.

Hell, even the Chinese take-out and beer they were dining on in the previous scene looked pretty good. I mean, Chinese take-out and beer should only be consumed in a wife-beater with suspenders,…as was so aptly demonstrated by James Caan. If I could get away with it in the year 2014, I would most assuredly go to any dinner table dressed like that.

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You just can’t do that in these times. Times have changed. Someone would have a serious objection about that. But there’s just something strangely appealing about eating Chinese while wearin’ a wife-beater and suspenders.

(Btw,…it’s not politically correct to use the term, “wife-beater”, when referencing a white tank-top undershirt, is it? I don’t know….maybe I over-stepped my bounds on that one…apologies if I did.)

I dunno.

I guess the clincher scene in when Clemenza is making that pot of kick-ass sauce. That scene kills me every single time….

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“You start out with a little bit of oil. Then you fry some garlic. Then you throw in some tomatoes, tomato paste, you fry it; you make sure it doesn’t stick. You get it to a boil; you shove in all your sausage and your meatballs. And a little bit of wine, and a little bit of sugar—that’s my trick.”

I don’t follow his recipe at all. I’m sure that’s sound advice but, not being Italian, I’m a little leery about putting that much sugar and raw meat into a pot of spaghetti sauce. I did know a guy once who was Italian. He put raw meat into his sauce,…and I ate it and it was very good. I just think that somethin’ would go horribly wrong considering that I am mostly Irish. I don’t think an Irish guy like me could really pull off the whole raw meat in a pot of tomato sauce and have someone not get really, really sick.

Therefore, I will cook the meatballs and sausage prior to shoving it in,….and I will negate the tomato paste due to the fact that my base is called, “Prego”.

Other than that, we pretty much have the same sauce.

Yeah. This is what happened the last time I watched the Godfather:

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I got the veal. It was the best in the city.

Anyway,…

“Yeah, I know I ain’t nobody’s bargain,
But, hell, a little touch up and a little paint…”


Bruce Springsteen
Human touch

Here are the top ten things I learned this week…

10. If you work for a company for forty years and come to work the day your mother dies, you will not even get so much as an acknowledgment on the company bulletin board in the event of your own un-timely death.

9. If you go to the bank to get singles for a twenty dollar bill so you have change for the vending machines, if the teller is female, chances are she will automatically jump to the conclusion that you are going to a strip club….and she will declare that to you,….in front of her co-workers and waiting customers, no less.

8. When your boss asks you what you are working on, the correct answer is anything but, “this Zag-Nut and that Carmel Macchiato.”

7. When you think you’re alone at work, the second you start dancin’ and singin’ to ABBA’s, “Waterloo”,….somebody will magically appear to catch you doing so.

6. When a woman at work begins to regale you with a tale of her trip to the OB/GYN…(complete with descriptions about scopes, lights, probes and fingers),…I have found that there really is nothing that can be added to the conversation. There are no polite rejoinders or questions that can be contributed to the dialogue,…because they are all wrong.

5. A two-litre bottle of “Faygo Red Pop” has amazing accuracy when thrown like a football. (A quick side-note on that? A kidney is an amazingly resilient organ.)

4. If you fall asleep while eating a Dove chocolate, the simple act of waking up takes on a richer hue.

3. Vinyl Records still sound better than tape, disc or mp3 files. The problem with Vinyl records is that you can’t go snowboarding while listening to them.

2. Candy bars, if strategically and carefully hidden in your underwear drawer, will be found by your woman in relatively short order.

1. The Monkees were never the Beatles,….even though they outsold both The Beatles and The Rolling Stones in the year 1967. Rest assured, friends,….they were never the Beatles.

A bonus:

This may be the worst song ever written and played…..Ever.

What’s your top ten?

Anyway,…