Skip navigation

Category Archives: dinner

“I can make the runner stumble,
I can make the fire grow dark,
And I can make every time and the son of a whistle,
and I can make all the the stadiums rock!

…and I’m never gonna make it like you do.
Making love out of nothing at all….”

Air Supply
Making Love Out Nothing At All

(No Google search for lyrics on this. I winged it….sorry.)

I was married during the Reagan administration. We were taught to be polite.

But when someone at a Burger King drive through is told to pull up because their specialty order will take a few extra minutes….it doesn’t mean that they should pull up by a mere two feet….thus-by blocking the person with the regular order in.

Honk.

Honk.

Honk, honk!

(Car moves up and lets me out of the way of his fat ass.)

(Asshole.)

Cripes.

Idiot.

Anyway…

“The grocery store’s the super mart,
uh huh
Little girls still break their hearts,
uh huh
And men still keep on marching off to war,
Electrically they keep a baseball score,…”


The Beat Goes On
Sonny And Cher

‘Tis the ending of another banal 7 day week. Nothing portends evil like the waking moment of a clammy and cold October Monday morning,…but, alas, that is a mere two days away and I have less on my plate tonight then I did when I started this odyssey in the early afternoon hours of this particular day.

I had to run to the bank and was forced to tarry there (far longer than I wanted to) due to the fact that it took four tellers to attend to the man that was parked outside in the drive-through,….no doubt attending to multiple (and possibly questionable) transactions from the comfort and safety of his own vehicle.

I was patently ignored. The man who actually got out of his vehicle and took the time to walk into said bank,…was, indeed, put on hold in favor of the ne’er-do-well who thought it perfectly ok to not leave his vehicle whilst conducting MULTIPLE transactions.

After my business there was complete, I motored over to my other bank so as to withdraw some farthings that might be needed during the course of this fine autumnal evening.

I withdrew the 20 bucks from the ATM and went on my way.

Has my life really sunk to this? Go to the bank, pay bills, go get a 20 spot that I can’t afford and then get a cheap sandwich to lunch upon while I work my increasingly boring job?

That’s all fine and good. I don’t care. I pay the bills and keep food on the table. I should be grateful for that,…not being in the red and all,…it’s just the dashed balmy-ness of it all.

I will do something crazy here and just take a random picture of something. How’s that?

image

My Paul McCartney bass laying on dirty socks and underwear near the dresser in my room. That was pretty exciting, wasn’t it? (I actually left it there because I will be recording a soundtrack for a movie on Sunday during the Steelers/Browns game.)

I did a list of ailments this week. (I bet you’re glad your reading this post, aren’t you?) I have determined that my left forefinger hurts sometimes and that my jaw pops. The jaw has never done that before. The finger comes and goes,…but the jaw has never done that before. It only pops at work. Not when I get home. I have to wonder if it’s stress or something. It kinda hurts when it does that….I don’t know.

I think the root of the problem is that I miss the 1970s. I am not old. I’m just nostalgic. I love nostalgia…but that’s for another post, I suppose.

Nothing like that Farrah Fawcett poster though.

image

Beyonce has nothing on her. Beyonce struts her ass all over the stage and then lights up the word “Feminist”.

image

Yeah.

Uhhh,…

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Yeah, right. Really?

Gwenyth Paltrow just cooed to Obama that he was “so handsome that she can’t speak properly”.

(Pause)

Ok. Now how many of you think I’m a boring old fart because I miss the 70’s?

Anyway,….

“Good night, good night, everybody…
Everybody….everywhere…
Good night…”


The Beatles
Goodnight

It’s amazing how little can be accomplished if you just simply put your mind to it. I mean, really, if you set about to imitate a three-toed sloth, if you really put your mind to it, you can accomplish it and have a certain feeling of satisfaction that you actually succeeded in something by merely being focused.

Today, for instance, I never once donned regular clothes. I simply never got out of my pajamas at all today. People were outside cleaning grills, hosing down patios, listening to music, drinking beer and eating outside with family and friends. The smell of charcoal burning was in the air and it was in abundance.

I sat at my kitchen table over a bottle of Starbucks Iced coffee, that someone gave me the day prior, because I was just too lazy to make an actual pot of coffee. It required too much effort. I ate a raw cucumber that still had the peel and ends on it. It required to much effort to actually cook something today. And I don’t really like big cucumbers to begin with. It was there though. If I had small cucumbers, that would be smashing. I like small cucumbers…but, alas, I had to throw them out because my lazy ass never got around to eating them.

Even though I woke up at 11 am, I was ready for a nap at 12:10 pm. I laid back down and hit the on button for the stereo. I was hoping that the Tommy James CD that was in there a couple of weeks ago was still in there. I was looking forward to Crystal Blue Persuasion lulling me back to sleep,…but no, when the CD started playing, it was Kiss’s third album from 1973. It was “Dressed To Kill”. I listened to that through the song “Room Service” and then hit the off button.

(I had forgotten I put that in there Monday.)

It took all my energy to simply flip the cover of my ipad up. I pointed at the youtube icon. I then pointed at the history button,…because I sure wasn’t going to do a search for anything. That would surely exhaust what minimal reserves I had left. These were my choices:

How to fix a leaky bathtub: 17 minutes
Epic Girl Fails, 2013: 1:27:14 minutes
The Proper Way To Fit A Bra: 11 minutes
Let It Be by The Beatles: 4min3 seconds
Elvira’s Bloopers: 10 minutes
Watergate: 1 hour, 35 minutes
Music Mike’s Piano Tutorial of Maybe I’m Amazed By Paul McCartney part one: 11 minutes
Fawn Hall: Where Is She Now? 7min14 seconds
Tammy Faye Bakker’s 40th Birthday On PTL: 2 hours
Rain on a Tin Roof/ Ambient sleep sounds: 10 hours

I chose the rain on a tin roof video. That sounded like something that could lull me back to slumber. As soon as it started, I realized I had to pee. I had to get up, make the trek to the can, do my business and go lay back down again. Energy-wise, that exhausted me. I could hear my neighbors talking outside about what a wonderful day it was.

I thought that if I just laid still, sleep would overcome my being. The fans were blowing and the world was a perfect storm for sleep. The room was windy and cool.

Then the dog came scratching at my door. I yelled at her to knock it off. The neighbors then got really quiet because they thought I was talking to them since my window was open and about 7 feet from where they currently sat.

I fell asleep. I awoke at 5 pm. I made my way to the fridge and ate a slice of cold cheese. (Colby-jack)

As I stood there swaying,…eating a slice of cold cheese,…I began to worry about my sugar level. It was 5:30 pm and I was sill in my PJ’s and still tired as hell.

I spied another bottle of Starbuck’s so I cracked that and drank it down in one fell swoop.

I then began to speed like nobody’s business. I made some Beer-Battered Cod, peas, a salad,….wolfed it down,…and then was ready for bed again.

The cod, however, caused me a certain distress in the form of acid-indigestion. I took two tums,…and then wrote this.

I simply have nothing more to add to this day except that I should never have gotten up to begin with….

Maybe I won’t tomorrow. We’ll see.

Anyway,….

“I may be vile and pernicious,
But you can’t look away,
I make you think I’m delicious,
With the stuff that I say,
I’m the best you can get,
Have you guessed me yet?
I’m the slime oozin’ out,
From your TV set,….”


Frank Zappa
I’m The Slime

The top ten things I learned this week:

10. I find it ironic that the guy from the LA Clippers gets recorded without his knowledge talking about “blacks” and gets banned for life by the NBA,….yet Mark Furhman knew he was being recorded and used the “N”-word with reckless abandon,…yet, he is now the ultimate go-to talking-head guy who has numerous book deals. He is the only one of that whole trial that has triumphed….repeatedly. Why?
The mind boggles.

9. I haven’t met a dog yet that doesn’t like sharp cheddar cheese. I know, like, a million dogs and they all like sharp cheddar cheese.

8. I believe that the song, “A Day In The Life” is probably the finest Lennon and McCartney song ever recorded. I welcome discussions about that.

7. There is something truly sublime about a well-constructed hamburger. It can be simple and elegant, yet sloppy and decadent. It’s the construction that matters…..except for that STOOOOPID BIG KING that they sell at Burger King. That has to be the worst hamburger on the face of the planet! Don’t buy it. It’s a rip-off of the Big Mac without all the nuances of a Big Mac. It sucks!!! Just go to McDonald’s. Geez. Such a dumb hamburger….

6. I find that if I don’t “ball” my socks up into pairs after I do laundry, I really question the cleanliness of a single sock when I pull it out of a drawer.

5.I recently came to the conclusion that my autographs of Bob Woodward and G. Gordon Liddy are my most prized autographs. They are under the same piece of glass. And they both addressed me personally….so I know it’s not an auto-pen.

4. I played my piano for four hours straight last Sunday. That must mean I am making my way out of my depression…even though I have to cut my grass and the forecast says rain for the next four days. That’s called, “teetering”. That’s enough to send me crashing back down.

3. Doris Day is still alive. Why?

2. I bought a six pound can of green beans this week. Why? Because I could,…and the fact that it was only three dollars.

1. Psychopaths usually have an encyclopedic knowledge of music. I don’t know why this is.

Anyway,….

“And no one knows a thing about my life,
I can come and go as I please,
And if I want to, I can stay,
Oh, or if I want to, I can leave,
Nobody knows me, Nobody knows me,
Nobody knows me Oh, oh…”


Morrisey
Jack the Ripper

Here are the top ten things I learned this week:

10. They still haven’t found that plane. Between the DHS, the TSA, the NSA,….they still couldn’t find that plane. CNN seems to think it was sucked up by a black hole apparently. (CNN, if you have nothing constructive to say, just keep your big yap shut, ok? We know you’re hurting in the ratings, but don’t run at the mouth, ok?) Tell you what,…I’ll give them my phone. It can tell me exactly where I am on the planet. It can also tell me exactly where I need to go on the planet. It’s theirs….if it means the people are still alive and sitting in a hangar somewhere,….which they probably are. Cripes, almighty,….losers lose a plane. Unbelievable. It’s tonnage!!! TONNAGE!!!!

9.I have to make a recipe for a vegan tomorrow. I’m scared. I have never heard of the ingredients. Quinoa, nori, ferro, lentils. This frightens me. I might have to serve the vegan cucumbers and tomatoes if this doesn’t pan out. I’m gonna need nerves of steel to pull this off. i can just hear the theme song for Mission Impossible playing while I make it.

8. Lizzie Borden was one cold woman. She had the fortitude to actually lay that axe into her old man’s head. I had to go see her a few years ago. She was nice. We played War. I won. We talked a bit….

7. It was suggested that I shave my beard today. My response?….”That would uncover a whole lot of ugly”.

6. The rig. It’s all plugged in and it works.

yeah, baby.

image

5. I remain the last person in my neighborhood who has yet to cut his grass. I guess that makes me the official hill-billy for the next year,….again.

4. I got rid of my seat covers that were emblazoned with “The Who”. It was just time. They looked stupid. What am I? Ten?

3. I cleaned my car out and finally found my CD, ‘Annie Lennox’s Greatest Hits”….It’s about time.

2. Jack the Ripper was a bad-ass. What a name, huh? “Jack the Ripper”. That’s like the genius of naming a band, “The Clash”.

1. Think I’ll uncover a “whole lot of ugly” today.

Anyway,…

“Whip it!
Whip it good!”


Devo
Whip It

Here are the top ten things I learned this week:

10. After enduring years of a coffee vending machine at work that is broken down more often than not, the vending guy finally replaced it with a slick new one that dispenses not only coffee, but Butterfinger Cappuccino, Cappuccino, hot chocolate, tea and soup. After a week of being there, it is now broken down more often than not.

9. Someone stole my Romanburger. It’s outrage will not soon be forgotten!

8.It is always,….ALWAYS,….at the least opportune moment when your gas gauge dings and the red light comes on. Always. It is also always,….ALWAYS,….at the least opportune moment when you tell the pump that you want a receipt,….and the pump tells you to go see the attendant for the receipt……ALWAYS.

7. Roger Daltrey once lamented in song, “11 hours in the tin pan, God, there’s got to be another way!!”……I just spent 12 hours working a furnace and I ain’t whinin’ like a “leettle guuurrrrllll”. That’s golden time, my friend. Take it or leave it,….but don’t cry about it. Stand up and act like a man,….cripes, almighty. (Ya know,….if you were a gas, you would be “Ineeeerrrrt”. Baby)

6. Dennis Wilson was more talented than Carl or Brian Wilson. Don’t believe me? Dig this:

5. If you dye your grey hair and beard a dark brown for say, a year, it will really screw people up when you stop doing it cold turkey. They see you growing grayer by the day and it really screws them up. They then start looking at themselves a little more intently when they pass a mirror. Great hi-jinks.

4. Why is ham the traditional Easter dinner? It’s a pork product. Jesus was jewish. Is it because of the resurrection that everything is game now? Jews still don’t eat pork. Paul and Peter had that falling out about what could be eaten,….(I think that was in Acts) Just such an odd dish to celebrate the resurrection with, ain’t it?

3. After 46 years on the face of the planet, I really wish I was the fifth Beatle. I think it would be interesting, to say the least.

2. Fay Wray went bra-less in a scene in King Kong. I couldn’t believe it. 1933 and she’s without bra. That totally screwed me up, man. (It was when she was talking to the monkey on deck with Bruce Cabot. Don’t believe me? Check it out.)

image

1.Fried eggs and chili make a good combination.

Anyway,…

“Well, I guess I should confess that I am starting to get old,
All the latest music fads all passed me by and left me cold,
All the kids are talking slang I won’t pretend to understand,
All my friends are getting married, mortgages and pension plans,
And it’s obvious my angry adolescent days are done,
And I’m happy and I’m settled in the person I’ve become,
But that doesn’t mean I’m settled up and sitting out the game,
Time may change a lot but some things may stay the same,….


Frank Turner
Photosynthesis

Ya know,..when you go to a resale shop, you kinda expect that the wares they sell will be in some sort of systematic order. When it’s not, it’s nothing more than a garage sale, isn’t it?

When the lighting is sub-par, it makes you feel like you’re bein’ cheated. I hate that crap.

Why is it that most of the furniture smells pretty moldy. You wanna sell me something? Make sure that it doesn’t smell bad, OK? It ain’t that hard. There’s this little thing called “Febreeze”. Spray it a few times a week. Is that that hard?

Ya know,….I really think the French Connection is the greatest movie ever made Why do I think that? Who cares? Do you care? I don’t freakin’ care. It’s just a damn good movie. What? Do I have to explain myself?

Good night.

Just so ticked off today.

Anyway,….

“I was just 34 years old,
I was still wandering in a haze…”


Pete Townshend
Slit Skirts

Here are the top ten things I learned this week:

10. It dawned on me tonight that I had hid some cash into an album cover a few weeks ago. It hasn’t yet dawned on me as to which one it was.

9. The lady on Google Maps is just like a spouse sometimes. She knows everything, interrupts my music when she speaks, stops talking when I get a phone call and has the patience of Job when I take a wrong turn. If she would just laugh once in a while, I would just go ahead and marry my iphone.

8. I’ve recently overcome my abject avoidance of the “Canadian Tuxedo”. If it was good enough for Billy Jack and Beretta, then it’s good enough for me!

image

7. If you really have to go the can at my place of employment, begging doesn’t help should you find all the stalls occupied. The only thing you will hear in response to your cries for mercy is,…..the slow turning of a newspaper.

6.There are three Beatles albums that don’t have the Beatle’s name on the front cover. Can you guess which ones? *(Answers at bottom of the post)*

5. People say we have hit rock bottom in this country with the ridiculous sanctions that Obama has just imposed on the 7 personal advisors to Putin. I say, not even close. You hit rock bottom when you’re a half-drunk, hungover butt-hag sittin’ in front of a plate of stale eggs with a half-dozen “Pall-Malls” crushed out in the yolks in a corner booth of a “Shoney’s”,….just off the turnpike outside of Gary, Indiana at 4am on a Wed morning. That’s rock bottom.

4. Two “Marley’s Mellow Moods” really mellow and level me out. (It’s green tea, btw,….)

3. My piano has really been the catch-all for bills and stuff. I should remedy to change that.

2. Spraying yourself with “BOD Really Ripped Abs” doesn’t substitute for a much needed shower.

1. I, literally, can sleep 16 hours a day. The question is, “Can I get paid for it?”

*Abbey Road, Revolver and Let It Be*

Anyway,…

“If some of ya’ll never been down South too much…
I’m gonna tell you a little bit about this, so that you’ll understand,
What I’m talking about,….”

Elvis
Polk Salad Annie

A few years ago, I had seen a cooking show in which Elvis’s cook demonstrated the making of Elvis’s favorite sandwich. This is the real deal. It’s been a staple in my house ever since. It is truly decadent.

Here are the ingredients you will need:

1 banana
4 teaspoons of peanut butter
brown sugar
butter
2 slices of Italian bread.

image

Take the butter and butter up one side of each slice of bread.

image

Place a generous amount of brown sugar on the buttered side of each slice of bread. Most of the brown sugar will adhere to the bread due to the adhesive nature of the butter.

image

Place in pan with the buttered and brown sugared side down. Don’t worry if a bit of brown sugar falls off while flipping it. It will still be put to good use.

image

Dissect banana. Should a small dog appear like what just happened here, just ignore him. He just had some kibble.

image

Peel banana and place into small bowl. Continue to ignore the filthy little beggar with the sad eyes.

image

Smash banana until it becomes almost like baby food. The banana will take on a wet-like consistency. This is to be desired. Continue to ignore the fat bastard to the right.

image

Spread peanut butter on dry side of bread that is in pan. I like to use crunchy, but if you don’t like that, creamy works just as well. I would not use organic peanut butter however. I believe Elvis would disavow that in his sandwiches.

image

Place smashed banana onto one side of the peanut-buttered bread, then top with a small amount of brown sugar. This will give a certain sweetness to the banana mixture.

image

Place in pan and grill fry over medium heat,..like you would a grilled cheese. The brown sugar on the other side of the bread will begin to crystalize. This is to be desired for crunch effect.

image

Flip together and grill the both sides of the sandwich. You will notice the brown sugar taking on a harder texture due to the heat. That’s what’s considered as being, “the good stuff”,…oh, yeah.

image

Once the sandwich is grilled throughly on both sides, remove and place on a cutting board.

image

Dissect the sandwich at the corners. The peanut butter/banana paste may spill out a bit due to the pressure of the knife. This is to be desired for presentation.

image

Serve promptly with a garnishment of a dill pickle and a packet of natural cane turbinado sugar. An ice cold root-beer would be a good choice of a beverage to go with this meal.

image

And that’s that!

Easy enough.

(Oh, alright, already!! Give him some! How can you turn that hungry face away? Geez. What a beggar! I hope he chokes on it!)

image

Anyway,…