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Category Archives: fat bottomed girls

‘…Feelin’ like a cowboy,
and lookin’ like a slob…”

Livin’ In Hope
The Rutles

I hate to sound confused….but there’s all this talk about a new Civil War in America.

I have to ask…how would this all play out?…(if I may be so bold to question this.) The last Civil War was between the north and south. There were regions of conflict. If you went to the south, you’d have to exchange your currency….just like you have to do to go to London today.

Is it a war between antifa and the white nationalists?

I have to ask….who has the guns here?

300 billion rounds on one side and…umm…well,…in any event…how would this play out? Throwing bottles of pee from the other side?

It will not end well for one side and it will be quick.

(I need to know how to plan my vacation….that’s all. That’s why I’m asking.)

Methinks it will just be a fart in the wind for the snowflakes.

(I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to offend anyone by using that term…what term?….”snowflake”, of course…)

I don’t want to send anyone to their safe-space to play with Play-Doh as a result of this post.

I just wanna know how to plan my damn vacation!

(Sorry I swore…I didn’t mean to offend anyone by that….)

Anyway…

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“I can make the runner stumble,
I can make the fire grow dark,
And I can make every time and the son of a whistle,
and I can make all the the stadiums rock!

…and I’m never gonna make it like you do.
Making love out of nothing at all….”

Air Supply
Making Love Out Nothing At All

(No Google search for lyrics on this. I winged it….sorry.)

I was married during the Reagan administration. We were taught to be polite.

But when someone at a Burger King drive through is told to pull up because their specialty order will take a few extra minutes….it doesn’t mean that they should pull up by a mere two feet….thus-by blocking the person with the regular order in.

Honk.

Honk.

Honk, honk!

(Car moves up and lets me out of the way of his fat ass.)

(Asshole.)

Cripes.

Idiot.

Anyway…

“She keeps Moet et Chandon
In her pretty cabinet
‘Let them eat cake’, she says,
Just like Marie Antoinette.
A built-in remedy,
For Kruschev and Kennedy,
At anytime an invitation
You can’t decline…”

QUEEN
KILLER QUEEN

I was standing in the checkout line today. I was buying some Chuckles and milk. I had to be at work at three. It was two forty-five. The woman in front of me was taking her good sweet time producing the payment for her choices.

I looked down at a refridgerated case next to the cashier line.

I saw some bottles that were emblazoned with the words: “Moet et Chandon”.

All of a sudden, finger-snaps started playing my head.

Sonofabitch. That’s what Freddie Mercury was singing about the whole time! I heard the words a million times before but couldn’t understand them.

I never knew what the hell he was saying!

Moet et Chandon!….Champagne!…of course!!

$53 bucks a bottle!….shuhh.

Just gimme my Chuckles and milk.

…and you learn something new everyday, don’t ya?

Moet et Chandon.

Who knew?

Anyway….