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Category Archives: guns

‘…Feelin’ like a cowboy,
and lookin’ like a slob…”

Livin’ In Hope
The Rutles

I hate to sound confused….but there’s all this talk about a new Civil War in America.

I have to ask…how would this all play out?…(if I may be so bold to question this.) The last Civil War was between the north and south. There were regions of conflict. If you went to the south, you’d have to exchange your currency….just like you have to do to go to London today.

Is it a war between antifa and the white nationalists?

I have to ask….who has the guns here?

300 billion rounds on one side and…umm…well,…in any event…how would this play out? Throwing bottles of pee from the other side?

It will not end well for one side and it will be quick.

(I need to know how to plan my vacation….that’s all. That’s why I’m asking.)

Methinks it will just be a fart in the wind for the snowflakes.

(I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to offend anyone by using that term…what term?….”snowflake”, of course…)

I don’t want to send anyone to their safe-space to play with Play-Doh as a result of this post.

I just wanna know how to plan my damn vacation!

(Sorry I swore…I didn’t mean to offend anyone by that….)

Anyway…

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“And the sign said “Long-haired freaky people need not apply,”
So I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why,
He said, “You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you’ll do,”
So I took off my hat, I said “Imagine that. Huh! Me workin’ for you!”
Whoa-oh-oh!……”

I was toiling at my job today when the song, “Signs”, scrolled across the ol’ pod. It has been a standard for the counter-culture for as long as I can remember. The song has spanned generations and still gets radio play with great frequency.

Some things birthed by The Five Man Electrical Band are just born to stay, I guess.

Not a bad song, on the whole, but during the 3 or so minutes of the song, it actually gives a black eye to the counter-culture movement rather than praise it…as it was originally intended to do.

The irony of it all is really quite sobering if you think about it.

My witness to the song is neither to the right or the left. I actually, truth be told, swing to the conservative end of the spectrum whilst doing my best to look like a lefty of the old guard. I guess what I mean is that I look like a hippy, yet tend to vote non-Democrat….and it hasn’t always been that way either. There was a time I was truly a Democrat. I understand where they’re comin’ from, man.

The thing about this song is found in it’s human-ness. It’s just the typical selfish attitude of, “I want what I want when I want it”. We all fall victim to that once in a while,…but when it’s enhanced and condensed into a three minute song, there’s just something about those lyrics that can truly grate on a person’s nerves.

Here’s what I mean.

We take this first set of lyrics:

“And the sign said “Long-haired freaky people need not apply,”
So, I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why,
He said, “You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you’ll do,”
So I took off my hat, I said “Imagine that. Huh! Me workin’ for you!”
Whoa-oh-oh!

Granted, this young man is angry for some reason. Since the song starts there, we do not know the cause of his anger. You can even hear it in his voice when he starts singing. He already has a chip on his shoulder.

We can garner, due to his piqued fury, that the sign he read may have been paraphrased due to his anger. But we don’t know this, do we? It could have very well said, “Clean-cut gentlemen wanted for food preparation. Must wear hair-net. Interested applicants please apply inside. Thank You.”

If he were to truly put up a sign that said, “Long-haired freaky people need not apply,”, he would probably have a law suit levied against him by the ACLU,….which could be pretty pricey when it comes to court costs. Small business owners tend to know when to pick their battles in cases of possible legal interjection and potential legal injunctions.

Be that as it may, because of his attitude, he felt he had to play some shenanigans with the shop owner or restauranteur who kindly complimented him on his appearance and offered him a job so he could EARN some money….but then the young man decided hat the best course was to deride and ridicule the person who was offering him gainful employment.

Moving on….

“And the sign said anybody caught trespassin’ would be shot on sight,
So I jumped on the fence and-a yelled at the house,
“Hey! What gives you the right?,
To put up a fence to keep me out or to keep mother nature in,
If God was here he’d tell you to your face, Man, you’re some kinda sinner!….”

Now, here our hero decides that it’s a dashed good idea to provoke home-owners by testing the limits as to how far he can go before the owner of the property actually pulls a gun and shoots him because he feels threatened by him. It becomes a wanton disregard to his own safety to do this because the right to bear arms is very clear in matters of self-defense. People have a right to protect themselves from unstable people who tread onto and into their property uninvited. There are trespassing laws, young man. They are on the books and have been for a very, very long time. Even in 2014, people can own property,…and have the right to protect that property and the souls that dwell on that property.

As a side note, the declaration about whether or not God is here shows a true lack of theological knowledge. To say “if” means you’re not too sure. If you invoke the name of God and brazenly presume to know what He would say in this particular given instance, then that means you have a simple, cursory understanding of who He is,…and your presumption that you can actually anticipate what He would say truly makes you seemingly above God….or greater than. That is called, “Mania” my friend. They have medication for that now.

Moving on,…

“Now, hey you, mister, can’t you read?
You’ve got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat,
You can’t even watch, no you can’t eat,
You ain’t supposed to be here,
The sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside….
Ugh!….”

Here we get into your philosophy, young man. In those five lines uttered, you have turned the looking glass upon yourself. In your reckless abandon of fury, you have decided that any and all rules and regulations are simply fallow and unjust because it doesn’t include your unblemished and regimented train of thought. Some places, if you don’t have a tie, they give you one free of charge! As far as membership cards go, I can’t go to the local BJ’s because I never applied for a card. If I were to take the time to do so, I would be admitted. I just don’t know what I would do with that much Ramen or spaghetti sauce, that’s all. I choose not to get a card,…but I can if I so desire. It takes all of five minutes. You have much more than five minutes available,….you just turned down a job….

Moving on,…

“And the sign said, “Everybody welcome. Come in, kneel down and pray,”
But when they passed around the plate at the end of it all,
I didn’t have a penny to pay,
So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign,
I said, “Thank you, Lord, for thinkin’ ’bout me. I’m alive and doin’ fine.”
Wooo!…..”

And here is where we come full circle, my job-less friend. Need I remind you that not more than 2 minutes ago, you were offered gainful employment which you turned down with no chance of another interview. That’s why you didn’t have a penny to pay,….which, theologically speaking, you are not paying anything. You are tithing. That is supposed to be 10% of your total income. Now, say, if you found ten dollars in the street, you would be obliged to “tithe” one dollar,….and your actions in that would then be multiplied. It is the only area in which God says we can “test” Him. But you already know that since you know what God is gonna say before He says it, correct?

So,…you see, my loud-mouthed friend,…..that commie crap only goes so far. We are not communist yet,…..close, but not yet. My advice to you is to go back to school, get a degree and become a part of society. The way you live is way too hard and way too in the dark. I applaud you for your determination to stick to your principals, but they are doing you more harm than good.

You can still be a rebel. There’s no problem there. You can smart off to the boss when you have seniority. Just focus a bit. Gain some footing,…but this moving around ten times in a three minute song just ain’t gonna pay off, man. Tom Hayden and Abbie Hoffman had to pay their dues to become credible.

You should too.

Anyway,…

“And no one knows a thing about my life,
I can come and go as I please,
And if I want to, I can stay,
Oh, or if I want to, I can leave,
Nobody knows me, Nobody knows me,
Nobody knows me Oh, oh…”


Morrisey
Jack the Ripper

Here are the top ten things I learned this week:

10. They still haven’t found that plane. Between the DHS, the TSA, the NSA,….they still couldn’t find that plane. CNN seems to think it was sucked up by a black hole apparently. (CNN, if you have nothing constructive to say, just keep your big yap shut, ok? We know you’re hurting in the ratings, but don’t run at the mouth, ok?) Tell you what,…I’ll give them my phone. It can tell me exactly where I am on the planet. It can also tell me exactly where I need to go on the planet. It’s theirs….if it means the people are still alive and sitting in a hangar somewhere,….which they probably are. Cripes, almighty,….losers lose a plane. Unbelievable. It’s tonnage!!! TONNAGE!!!!

9.I have to make a recipe for a vegan tomorrow. I’m scared. I have never heard of the ingredients. Quinoa, nori, ferro, lentils. This frightens me. I might have to serve the vegan cucumbers and tomatoes if this doesn’t pan out. I’m gonna need nerves of steel to pull this off. i can just hear the theme song for Mission Impossible playing while I make it.

8. Lizzie Borden was one cold woman. She had the fortitude to actually lay that axe into her old man’s head. I had to go see her a few years ago. She was nice. We played War. I won. We talked a bit….

7. It was suggested that I shave my beard today. My response?….”That would uncover a whole lot of ugly”.

6. The rig. It’s all plugged in and it works.

yeah, baby.

image

5. I remain the last person in my neighborhood who has yet to cut his grass. I guess that makes me the official hill-billy for the next year,….again.

4. I got rid of my seat covers that were emblazoned with “The Who”. It was just time. They looked stupid. What am I? Ten?

3. I cleaned my car out and finally found my CD, ‘Annie Lennox’s Greatest Hits”….It’s about time.

2. Jack the Ripper was a bad-ass. What a name, huh? “Jack the Ripper”. That’s like the genius of naming a band, “The Clash”.

1. Think I’ll uncover a “whole lot of ugly” today.

Anyway,…

“So, I walk up on high,
And I step to the edge,
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself,
While the tears roll down,
‘Cause it’s the world I know,
It’s the world I know,….”


Collective Soul
The World I Know

Here are the top ten things I learned this week:

10. In spite of all my attempts to not like hummus, I finally had to surrender to the fact that I actually do. It reminds me of the the great sushi surrender of 2011.

9. If a friend starts pounding on my side door at noon and I haven’t had my first cup of coffee yet, he will get a salty reception,…without exception.

8. When a total fox of a doctor looks you in the eye and softly says, “We’re gonna be best friends for a while”,…(while placing her lovely hand softly on my shoulder)….it takes on a totally bogus hue when she follows that sentence with, “because that definitely is cancer.” It becomes even more bogus if you are sitting there completely naked,….like I was. Sheesh.

7. Why is a bottle of wine in the hands of a poor person considered pathetic, but in the hands of a rich person, it’s considered refined and urbane? Even if it is the exact same bottle of wine?

6.Revolving doors scare me ever since I saw the Godfather II.

5. Flying scares me ever since I started working in the Aero-Space field.

4. Clowns scare me ever since I saw that picture of John Wayne Gacy dressed up as a clown…with all that fucked up lip-stick.

3.I still remember where I was when I heard about 9/11. I was peeing. It was on the radio on the back of the toilet. I was wearing sweat pants that had a white stripe down the side and a black t-shirt to compliment it. I ate Apple Jacks that day. I had a small cup of coffee…..with cream and two sugars. I bought a Wendy’s Jr. cheeseburger deluxe on my way to work that day. I called my mom and told her not to go shopping that day. I told her to just watch TV,…or a movie. A movie like the Sound Of Music or something. I remember telling her to stick a movie into the VCR….not to watch TV. That there was nothing on TV. Turn on a movie. Make sure it’s a movie. No TV.

2. I got two meatball sandwiches from Subway today. The price was $5.75 a piece. They only charged me ten dollars. I guess I made a little “bread’ on that transaction. (pardon the pun)

1. A gun WILL shoot without a Yoke,…or Crane screw in it.

Anyway,….

“It’s poetry in motion,
When she turned her eyes to me,
As deep as any ocean,
Sweet as any harmony,
She blinded me with science….”


Thomas Dolby
She Blinded Me With Science

Robert Blake.

Little Rascal.

Actor.

Friend.

So, I was toiling at work tonight with a hypodermic needle and a fiber optic camera (as sometimes my vocation calls for that,) and I had my ipod on with all these various TV (television) commercials from the past.

One of the commercials was for the old 70’s TV (television) shows in which they were expounding upon the suspense-fullness of an up-coming episode of the smash TV (television) show, Baretta!

Of course, it made me think of Robert Blake. How can you not think of Robert Blake when you hear the Baretta! theme song?

You knooow,…Robert Blake. That guy that was in the Little Rascals. He played Mickey. (see below)
image

(wait a minute. That’s not him. See below again)

image

Robert Blake played Mickey in the original Little Rascals. He was like a featured player with them. Kinda like Guido Sarducci or Al Franken was on Saturday Night Live. He wasn’t in every episode like Spanky or Alfalfa or Darla, but was seen enough to be recognizable.

Well, little Bobby grew up a few more years and ended up getting a gig with Humphrey Bogart in the movie, “The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre”. He was only in the movie for a minute or two before Bogart chases the scamp out of the bodega.

(see below: Left to right, Humphrey Bogart, Robert Blake)

image

Now, this is where the six degrees comes in…

Robert Blake was in this movie for no more than 2 minutes tops, right? Now, here’s the dealio:

Robert Blake is in this movie. According to the book, “In Cold Blood” by Truman Capote, this film was the main character’s favorite film of all time. Perry Edward Smith was the main character in Capote’s non-fiction novel and Tour-De-Force. He was an actual human being.

(see below: From left to right, Perry Smith, Truman Capote)

image

Perry Smith (along with Dick Hickok) were the down and out ex-cons who killed the Clutter family on November 15th, 1959 in Holcomb, Kansas.

In their effort to put justice and milage between the law and themselves, they went to Mexico to hunt for gold, patterned after the Bogart character in “Treasure Of The Sierra Madre”. That was their escape plan. To go mining for gold in Mexico.

Unfortunately, hookers and booze ended up robbing them of the opportunity to do so….so they came back to the States and were caught in Las Vegas…ironically, right after they picked up a box they mailed to themselves from Mexico. The box contained the boots that left the footprints at the Clutter house. The boots that ultimately put the noose around their necks.

In any event, after the executions, a movie was made of “In Cold Blood”. Robert Blake was chosen to play the character of Perry Edward Smith in the big screen dramatization.

(From left: Robert Blake, Scott Wilson and Truman Capote)
image

So, the guy who watched Robert Blake in his favorite movie was actually gonna be played by a guy in his favorite movie. How creepy and serendipitous is that?

In addition to all that,….the actual characters from Holcomb played themselves and the house that was in the movie was really the house. So that means that Robert Blake actually trodden the same steps that Perry Edward Smith did. One to do the actual killing, the other to act it out.

That’s like six degrees screwed up, man.

But it gets better.

Robert Blake goes onto bigger and better things on TV (television) and becomes Baretta! A total smash hit on TV (television) at the time. He had that cool theme song and that crazy bird with him all the time,..cool as hell, man.

image

Then he gets cancelled. (Why? I don’t know. Stupid networks. Always lookin’ at ratings and crap. I still wear his type of hat from that show. I call it my Baretta Hat….or a newsboy hat. Either/or. What-ev)

So, like, then,…Blake disappears, right? Nothing is to be heard from him for years.

Then! All of a sudden! He’s arrested for the murder of his wife, Bonnie Lee Bakley!…or should I say, Bonnie Lee Broke-me!

The deed goes down in front of an Italian restaurant in Studio City, man!

He says he took her to the car but realized he forgot his gun in the eatery,…then when he came back out, she was dead in his car and bleeding all over his nice Corinthian leather in his Cordoba.

So, now he goes on trial for murder,….just like Perry Edward Smith did!!!

That’s totally screwed up, man!

He even did the last mile,…even though he wasn’t found guilty. It was on Piers Morgan. Rough interview. I believe that was his public execution. (see below)

Anyway,…